Hello, friends!

I’m very excited to share a guest post written by my new friend and successful lifestyle coach, Tandar Tanavoli.

When I first met Tandar her presence immediately made me feel comfortable, and we had such a lovely hour chatting about business, life, and fitness.

As I’ve worked my way through my own fitness journey and helped others through their’s, I’ve learned that our mindset can make or break our success. I’ve asked Tandar to put some of her expert mindset coaching skills to work for today’s post, so I really hope you enjoy it!

Take it away, Tandar!

Are You A Blamer | Evolution by Ariana

How many times a day do you blame YOURSELF or others for things you did or did not do?

And things you did or did not achieve?

For all the shortcomings in your life?

Tell me, how many times a day are you playing the “blame game”?

Now tell me this, aren’t YOU tired of it all? Tired of all that wasted energy?

If you are, let me also tell you that you have every right to be.

It’s exhausting just thinking about it let alone doing that to yourself all day:

– Punishing yourself and others all day long
– Being stuck in the past
– Being stuck in faults and failures
– Being stuck in limiting beliefs
– Heck! Just being stuck!

Let me assure you that I’m not here to point out to you what makes you so tired or how wrong or right it is to feel guilty and disappointed.

I’m not even here to shame you about “pointing the finger” at yourself or others because I understand that at times, all is too heavy to handle and the only option in sight for taking the weight off, is to point.

I also know that it does not feel good after you do it and it makes you feel like you’re stuck even deeper in the pattern.

I am here though, to tell you there are simple solutions awaiting you to change all that around to embrace the life you deserve.

So why do we use blame?

It’s easier to point out at others’ imperfections and faults when we’re trying so hard to be “perfect” ourselves. It’s easier to point but heavier on the guilt: a no-win situation.

We love deflecting the spotlight onto another when it doesn’t feel good. Especially when that bright light highlights all sides of us and not just the good ones we like to show to others.

The “perfection” image does not tolerate mistakes, weaknesses, faults. So you better not slip and fall!

And so many other ridiculous reasons we come up with to justify for our actions.

And now for the good part…

Here’s how to divert guilt and disappointment into motivation and inspiration, instead of blame:

Take it easy on YOU: You’re doing the best you can and you’re showing up for what’s within your control. If it doesn’t go as planned, self punishment and punishing others will only take away from your experience and turn it into a bitter one. Why would anyone want that? Give yourself a reward instead. Give credit to what took place instead of punish for what didn’t.

Shake the disease OFF: I’m talking about this thing called: “Perfection”! It’s a disease. Why? Because it’s a road that does not have an end! Why? Because perfection doesn’t exist! And most people want to be as close as they can to being “perfect” in everything they do. Step away from that disease. Set your own rules, standards and goals that are achievable and once you get there (this road does have an end), celebrate your victory.

Think clearly: Think about it, when you blame yourself and others, it’s a straight road to anxiety, guilt, shame, depression, etc. WOW! Is that where you wanted to go when you first began this journey? Did you say: “I’m gonna aim for disappointment and blame today!”?! I think NOT. So clear your thoughts and remind yourself why you started in the first place. Bring that feeling back into your body and mind and continue on that path.

OWN it! Whether you were right or wrong, own your responsibilities you CHOSE to take on when you started. Be ready to accept defeat, embrace it, take your lesson from it and move on to the next step. That is also part of life. Most people love owning it when they’re right but as soon as things do go as planned, “the pointing finger” comes out. Own your apologies to yourself and others. It’s ok to be imperfect. Then forgive yourself, be kind and pick up where you left off.

Awareness of YOUR truth, will make you realize that blame is not worth all the negative feelings it projects.

Make a conscious CHOICE to live the life you truly deserve.

Thank you Tandar, for such an inspiring and motivating post!

I’d like to know readers, do you ever find yourself playing the “blame game”? (I know I have!) How does that make you feel, and what have you done to combat it?

tandar tanavoli

About Tandar:

Tandar Tanavoli is a certified motivational & lifestyle coach of both Anthony Robbins’ Mastery University & Erickson International Coaching College.
Her work is solution based in all aspects of life as self, love, health, relationships, career, etc.
For more info please visit: www.tandartanavoli.com

Showing 2 comments
  • lauren

    I try not to blame others anymore, since the only person whose actions I can control is my own.

  • Farrah

    I’m definitely in that line of thinking a lot (getting stuck in the past + in faults and failures)–I’m self-critical to the max, but it’s something I’m really trying to work on! Great tips + post!

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