A Word on Boundaries

Since August of last year, the lessons and opportunities for growth have been comin’ in hot.

I get a break every now and then, but between mustering up the courage to make a big change in both of my businesses, navigating an unexpected pregnancy, and all the other little lessons the Universe likes to drop in, it’s been fairly constant.

The other day, Jordan lovingly pointed out that I seem to be knee-deep in Module 32 of Earth School, which is all about boundaries.

Boundaries in my work life, boundaries in my personal life, boundaries in social media, boundaries in the types of energy I allow in.

A situation arises, I do the uncomfortable thing and set the boundary, I feel proud of the way I handled it, and then sometimes it’s not even 10 minutes before a situation requiring a bigger boundary pops up.

It’s frustrating as hell, while also slightly hilarious to witness how divinely orchestrated it all seems to be.

As is usually the case, I know I’m not alone in this.

The topic of boundaries has been popping up in the majority of my coaching and breathwork sessions as of late. I had to laugh the other day when I realized two of my most recent coaching clients hired me specifically because they wanted to work on boundaries.

When I’ve mentioned the collective theme of boundaries to my clients, those who work with clients pointed out that this was a big theme in their practices right now as well.

Chances are, boundaries are coming up in your own life right now too.

So why are boundaries so damn difficult to set and uphold?

We’re not taught to state our needs.

We’re not taught to ask for respect.

We worry about what others will think about us.

We default to patterns of people-pleasing.

We feel like the bad guy for honouring our own needs.

And I don’t know about you, but I’m super over this shit.

There’s space for acknowledging the discomfort that comes with setting a boundary and doing it anyway.

There’s space for acknowledging the experiences and patterns that led to a lack of boundaries, and the cultivation of support—whether internal or external—to begin to shift those patterns.

There’s space to take up space. To stand in your power. State your needs. Do what needs to be done when your boundaries are disrespected.

A lack of boundaries leads to confusion. Anger. Resentment, even, both towards oneself and others.

A lack of boundaries often leads to experiences just as uncomfortable, if not MORE uncomfortable than setting the boundary would have been in the first place.

So really, then, it’s not a matter of “do I set the boundary or do I not?”

It’s a matter of “which discomfort will I choose?”

And while I know I’ll inevitably fall back into old patterns from time to time, I know which discomfort I want to choose moving forward.